First order of business is, “SIT DOWN Egglestien! You can’t leave the meeting until we settle the matter of the Shark-bear.” Where was I? Oh yes (slightly villainous chuckle to impress the investors) my lack of activity. Certain readers, out of the three of you that would mean myself, have wondered aloud and overdramatically, if I the great Dr. Shizzwhizz has died in a horrible experiment gone terribly wrong. Those rumors are completely unfounded and untrue. Could someone hand me a back scratcher, my left wing is acting up again. “Yes Egglestien I have always had compound eyes.” I have simply been busy studying the mutagenic properties of introductory college level English courses. I am saddened to report that no mutations have occurred although some memory loss was observed. “WHAT NOW EGGLESTIEN? Of course I was the subject of the experiment.” I am saddened to report that no mutations have occurred although some memory loss was observed.
I have a plan to save the Earth. That may come as a surprise to some of you, a super-villain saving the Earth. Shouldn’t I concern myself with building lasers, doom-rays, and genetically engineering the perfect and beautiful predator, the Shark-bear? No, that is a stupid and short sighted way of thinking. If someone’s going to hold the Earth ransom with his fearsome army of Shark-bears there needs to be an Earth with a sizeable population who experience an adverse reaction to being mauled by Shark-bears. My plan is simple. By unleashing my army of Shark-bears upon an unsuspecting world, all the Earth’s nations would have to band together while I direct my army of Carcharodon Ursus into attacking those who refuse to unite against my reign of terror. Once the world sees how much fun working together could be, all war will end, the world will be all happy and farting unicorns with corn for their horns.
